Disappointed

I am very disappointed in myself these days.

I got on the scale this morning and it screamed then fainted and refused to tell me the number. Okay, I'm lying. The scale said 289.1. I am almost 5'8". My BMI is 43.9

If I get down to 195 my BMI will be in the "Overweight" area. I think i'd be happy there.

If I get down to 164 then my BMI will be 24.9 which puts me in the healthy weight range.

At 34 I doubt i'll be able to get down to 140 but that's okay. I know that without plastic surgery I probably won't be able to get below 200.

My dirty rotten secret is that I used to weigh 547 lbs. I am now down to 289.1 BUT I was down to 225 before I started taking bipolar medication that made me gain weight.

I have to get everything under control.

I eat a little more than a normal dieter because I don't actually absorb everything I eat and I need more protein than a "Normal" person.

For Breakfast today I am having:
8oz OJ
1.5 eggs
3/4 of a bagel

I am trying to slowly back away from "The crack" (food) because my eating ahs been OUT OF CONTROL for the past year. Part of it is depression, part of it was mania, part of it is the meds and part of it is just that small patch of crazy in my head when it comes to food. I once read something about disordered eating. That fit me to a "T."

I am very glad that I had the surgery that I had. If I hadn't, I know I would be dead.

Today I hope to walk for at least 30 minutes and I want to do disc 1 of P90x. TOday is day 1 of the rest of my life.

No excuses
No drama
No quitting.